I’ve spent much of the last few years digesting the Internet, and feeling myself losing ground. Emotionally. Intellectually. Creatively.
I’ve read. Empathized. Related. Silently cheered, me too! …and that’s it. Rarely have I added to the conversation, preferring to keep myself on the outside. I’ve taken, but it’s been a long, long while since I’ve put anything back in. Maybe there was nothing to be said that someone else hadn’t already said better. Perhaps I was afraid to invite criticism. What I suspect is closest to the truth is that what I had to say didn’t matter, to anyone, least of all to myself. After all, who am I? I’m still figuring that one out, but what I know for certain is that I’ve been quite comfortable with my silence. Proud, even, for not adding to the din of the world.
I’ll tell you anything—but you have to ask first. As prideful as that may sound, it’s quite the opposite. When did I learn to become so silent and invisible?
Yes, there is a serious loss of the Self here. It’s critical and I may need to be airlifted.
So I started traveling.
And I started this blog.
Rather than activating my beloved cone of silence (matching invisibility cloak included), it’s time I start finding my voice again, no matter how tentative and unrefined. Will any of it be worthwhile? I don’t know. But I’m am putting something back in as an act of gratitude for all those who have given me so much without realizing it.
So here it is. Here I am. Messy. Linguistically atrophied. Present.